Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
