i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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