I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize