i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
