1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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