I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
