he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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