ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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