1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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