At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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