Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize