CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
