he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
