I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
