i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
