your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
