The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
