be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
