how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
