whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
only you would photoshop your dick
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
