I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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