dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
