ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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