My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We had to coat check the pizza.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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