i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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