i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
