There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
