In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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