No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
