i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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