i just had sex bonerless
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
