and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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