drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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