No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
