I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Two words: nipple clamps
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