At least make sure they are 18
Why
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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