you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
