and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
