Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
