Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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