Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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