Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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