i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drunk is not a location!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
