He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
