I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my phone needs a breathalizer
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
