Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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