do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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