I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
