ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
