I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
