also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
