thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
