Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize