he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
