Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
