The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
