I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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