my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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