Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
