well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
