I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
