It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
