well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize