The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
