you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
