he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
