Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
