Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
