so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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