What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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