mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
