My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
